Current Mood: Sad

Time has been difficult. I’ve been out and about for a new job, which is destination nowhere at the moment. I’m either overqualified or under. I don’t know. It sucks so bad, but I’m still determined. So frustrating, I think I feel down about it a little more than I should be.

In the relationship department… it’s at a place where I don’t want it to be.

I don’t know where or how to begin, but feeling shameful is all I have felt in the past month. I came to this side of the country with a breath of fresh air, start a new life, and be with the one I truly love. I have no other reasons. All I have done was make his heart more and more fragile. I am so not perfect. I’ve never lived a perfect life. All I wanted was to have a wonderful life. And when I found it with an even wonderful man, my Jamie, my imperfections tore us apart. I’ve messed up.

I want to believe we can make it because I want it to work so bad.

I am not ready to let go.